Update.

So I have moved to a new place after 18 years... God has been really good to my family and I am believing for greater things to come in my family and my new home.



Five and a half months of work has gone by and here I am, waiting to start student life again! :)



Just a short cover I did since I'm blessed with a one week break. :)

You have been gone for more than a month now... but I still can't help but to miss you very much. Sometimes I still think that you're here and I find it hard to believe that you're really not physically around anymore. So many things in my life that I wish I could share with you.. like how I did before. Your last days were difficult, but I hope that your last few breaths when I was beside you were of peace and ease. The loss of a loved one never felt so real and heartbreaking till you left.. but your spirit of strength, long suffering and love I forget not. Death is part of life, what I see as a fine line or transition between Life and Eternal Life... So, see you again, YeYe.

Tough times don't last

I am out for clinical placements again and it just becomes so stressful when close to nothing that is learnt from school is of use in the clinical setting... So overwhelming... but definitely a good experience to toughen up and sharpen up. I can't wait to graduate!!!!!!!!!!

I am just a small small girl living in a big big world. The world goes round and round, it never stops.

My incredible 10-day trip to Taiwan... Seen many, experienced much.

I would gladly share with you all about my trip if you ask me ;)

Life's been pretty harsh the past 6 weeks and I don't really know how to begin talking about it. Emotionally I have been tossed and thrown on every side. It was an intense period of reflection and feeling nothing less but hurt. Even now I am just trying to believe what they say.. to let it go and move on. But it is difficult. A heart ache is different from the headaches and muscle aches I get so frequently. You meant that much to me.
No matter what, know that I am still the same.. I will still love you. Just be happy :)

Life's too short to spend time being angry with people.

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the ROCK that is higher than I.

Ever since 2014 started, nothing good happened.

So many friends I know are either injured, sick or suffered some kind of loss.

Ting fell off the bike on Thursday, suffered many superficial cuts and grazes. Worst ones on her face. Her upper teeth got misaligned and because she wore braces, her lips got cut terribly. When she took a photo of her face to show me, I teared. Not that I haven't seen worse cases, but because she was my friend, I was heartbroken. Thoughts and prayers are with her ever since... Right now, she is still traumatised and afraid of bikes. Sigh.

Odelia fell down while cycling on Monday, also suffered a couple of superficial wounds on her legs and hand. Currently in pain when she walks. My heart really goes out to her... Praying that the wounds will close and she will feel better soon.

But one thing I am glad, that these two friends of mine are positive people.

School started yesterday and a number of my friends including myself have fallen sick. Weather's been chilly and I probably caught a cold. Just wanna get better... Feeling so lethargic.

This morning, I received a text from a very good friend that her aunt passed on... So saddened by the news because her aunt is someone I know. Remembered in September last year, Emelia urgently texted me and asked me for a favor to do some kind of "music therapy" for her aunt who was suffering with cancer. Cancer is a really really terrible and scary thing... I can still vividly remember lugging my guitar to NUH, uncertain of how she looked like, what she would be like, would she turn me away or would she respond? Steps away, I identified her by the name above her bed. She was asleep. I quietly sat beside her. Moments later, I decided to gently tap her and introduce myself. Just in case I get strange stares by the nurses and neighbouring patients. She opened her eyes, stared blankly and was unresponsive to whatever I was saying. I had to repeat about 3-4 times before she acknowledged me. Thank God... Slowly I questioned her and interacted with her as best as I know how since I wasn't some professional counselor or psychologist. As she got a little more comfortable with me around, I asked if she would like to listen to some songs or hymns that I have prepared. I was hoping she would sing along. Emelia told me to try to get her to eat something. Ok, so I asked. She said ok. Thank God. I asked the nurse for a cup of Milo and as I brought it near to her, she almost shoved it away. She refused. I was stunned for a moment. Trying to be careful not to spill the cup of Milo over and trying to calm her down at the same time. Finally, I managed to coax her into having one sip of the Milo. She exclaimed, "So hot! How to drink!" I was a little frightened then but continued to talk to her about other things. Showed her photos of Emelia and that brought a little smile on her face. I genuinely enjoyed my time with her that afternoon... I am thankful that she is now in a safer place, a place that there's freedom, joy and no pain. And one day, I'll meet her... :')

Little efforts count.

No matter how busy I am, I tell myself to never make excuses to stop serving. I will continue to do my weekly home and ward visitations, knowing how much the people are blessed because of the time spent talking to them and making them feel cared for.

So whatever you are doing, do your best. Love people the way you want to be loved. :)

Out for clinicals!

Life's been tough... it's been hell of a time for me since last week. Stress level has been going way too high and anxiety level at its peak. I know worrying doesn't work. So I am not worried, just feeling very stretched at the moment. I believe I will get better!

Apart from the pressure, I am nevertheless thankful for a good placement and supervisor. NUH is definitely one of the best learning environments in Singapore and my supervisor is one experienced clinician who is nicknamed, "Walking Encyclopedia". He is so knowledgeable that I feel terribly inferior. Well, that just means one thing, READINGS! Truly, knowledge is power. With knowledge comes good clinical reasoning and with good clinical reasoning, smart assessments and effective treatment can then be performed. I need to improve on my planning skills! Time cannot be wasted. :)

34 more days before I turn 21.

Some ask if I am excited and some ask if I am scared... I would say both? I guess it kind of rocks to be 21, an official young adult but with more freedom comes greater responsibilities. And that kind of scares me. But let's be positive, when the time comes, I think I will be ready to take that sort of weight on my shoulders.

I didn't plan to have a celebration initially but to make my grandmother and parents happy, I am now having one. And I am starting to feel excited for it!

Pass it on.

Tonight I want to share about my volunteering experience in CDC (Communicable Disease Centre), interacting first hand with people living with HIV. I visit these people on a weekly basis and I never fail to learn something from each session. Truly, serving others is not only a meaningful thing to do but a PRIVILEGE. It is to give your time, words of encouragement and acts of service. Above all, time is the greatest gift. You are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back. And also, to someone who probably cannot give you anything in return... 

Maybe that's what they call the highest form of giving.

Met this uncle 3 weeks ago and he was such a joy to talk to. A person despite of his disease and deteriorating condition, remaining positive. No complaints at all. Such an encouragement to all of us who are always complaining about every little thing. Tonight, he appeared a little more confused because of his condition and that is heart breaking. He told me that he is leaving the following day to live in an old folks home. He was sad but yet, he knew what it means to let go and move on... I will remember the attitude that he constantly maintained and hopefully one day, I will see him again. 

I look forward to every session because I don't want to miss out on great life experiences. Apart from traveling, doing new things, dare-devil thrills, feasting and all the many other wonderful experiences out there, volunteering first hand (directly to the beneficiaries) is really an one-of-a-kind experience.

I hate to say this but the last week of holidays is here.

The past 5 weeks had been one of the most well-spent holidays I have had so far. Met up with people that I haven't met in ages, did most of what I planned to do and had sufficient amount of rest that I needed. :) Very contented.

Death becomes her

By Maryanne Comaroto

What if you just let go? Let it all go? All your attachments: your life as you know it, your identity, what you think of other people, of what other people think of you?  Any and all ideas you have about who you are, what is and how it supposed to be, vanishing in the distance as you voluntarily let them go? 

The stories about your childhood, about the person who cut you off in the parking lot, about “How come that person has more than me or isn’t as good?” Who did what to you, who didn’t do enough. Who owes you, who you need to avenge. How you are going to save the world, your child, the animals, yourself.  

What the government is doing—or not—and how you could do it better. What other people should be doing instead of what they are doing, and how obvious that is. What time you should get up, what time you should get to bed, eat lunch, color your roots, get rid of that old couch, that bad relationship. What if you let it go?

What if you stopped worrying about whether or not you should stop drinking Diet Coke, boycott Starbucks, and hurry, before the movie starts. About whether or not you're smarter, more evolved, more competent, a leader, are here to do something BIG, are special, entitled and privileged. That you’re a fast reader, a slow learner, have a powerful job, or are tired of being unemployed. That you’re sensitive, fragile, fierce, overwhelmed, overworked and underpaid, discriminated against—and if someone could just see who you really were, maybe you would believe it yourself. 

That your computer is too slow, Mercury retrograde is bad, online dating will save you, and that wearing a size 4 means you’re hot. That rich people suck, corporations are corrupt and “life is hard and then you die.” That there is someone out there that will save you, that you may go to hell, or that telling someone the way it is will help them see the light. That being nice will make people like you, or that not having sex means someone might leave. Your favorite restaurant, favorite pair of shoes, favorite city to travel to. That you need to meditate or relax. 

That anyone knows what’s best for you, that it matters if you are loved, and that there is such a thing as a soul mate. That there is anywhere to get—but you had better get there before it’s gone, as there are only so many windows of opportunity. That anything is bad or good, positive or negative, hurry up, slow down, that there is such a thing as success and failure and that anyone’s life is anyone’s responsibility. 

That everyone you know is struggling, many people you know are sick, a third of our nation is obese, times are tough, life is short, and that if you pray hard enough God will reward you instead of the three-hundred-thousand other people who just died in Haiti, write you a personal check and make it all better. That things are getting worse/looking up, the earth’s magnetic poles are shifting, and blue is the new black. That you have nothing to give up—and let that go, too. 

What if you let all that go? Imagine it if you can, even for a moment. Go through the life you live right now and let it all go. Who would you be? Good for you! Now let that go too! You may find that death becomes you…

I have never hoped for healing so much in my life before... Everyday I wake up wondering if God answered my prayer and healed me. It's hard to believe, but it's harder to explain. I have learnt to be very patient because I know my God is never late, but always on time. His plans are greater and His ways are always higher than mine.

One thing I know, even if healing does not come, I will still proclaim my everlasting love to my God all the days of my life.

I realized how Consistency is more important that Charisma and I will continue to believe in it. Being  charismatic is great but learning to be a consistent person is better. People will trust you. :)

I have loved you in life
I will love you in death
I'll praise you as long as you lendeth me breath
And to when the death dew lies cold on my brow
If ever I loved you my Jesus 'this now

Worries.

I know it's unhealthy to worry or rather, silly. For it says, "Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself." Well, that's true. But I guess it's only human to worry. At this very moment, you are probably already worrying about something. Don't get me wrong, I just feel that I can also be happy whether or not I am worrying. Therefore, "Don't worry, be happy" cease to be relevant.

HOLLA-DAYS

IT'S THE HOLIDAYS! 

I have been having extremely real dreams. So real that I wake up thinking if it really happened and if I needed to do anything about it. Turns out, dreams are still dreams. And what happened cannot be happening.

When doing what you like becomes stressful because of certain circumstances, I constantly remind myself to take one step back and go back to the basics. To my intentions, my goals and my values. I really hope for a performance well done. :)

So many things are going through my mind and I hardly know where to begin.

Firstly, exams. One last paper to go before my well-deserved holidays arrive. I have so many plans and I do want to make them happen. Till then, I must focus first.

Secondly, new friends. I have made a couple of new friends lately and these friendships happened easier then I thought. I am truly thankful for each of them and whether these friendships are going to be seasonal or not, I still am glad I met them.

Thirdly, my brother, leader and dear friend is back from Italy. His surprise appearance overwhelmed me to tears. He's a special friend and someone I hold close to heart. It's just awesome to have him back.

Fourthly, I really appreciate my Mom. Just as I was complaining to her about my thorn-in-the-flesh pain again, she offered her help by learning deep tissue massage from me (haha) so as to do it on me. Whether she does it right or not, it doesn't matter. I know she loves me very much.

At the end of day, slow down... Don't miss out.