Worth.

I must be honest that I felt really broken recently. Perhaps, i had the most tears for the longest time i remember. Anybody in my shoes will understand how it feels to be restricted, to worry if i am still able to stand strong, to feel the urge to do the things i want without having to burden others, to long for others' acceptance despite my condition...and finally, the tremendous effort i've put in to not give in to despair.

I have many friends, many close friends, but who are the ones i can count on. I believe i have faith in a few already.

In any case, I will stop running away. No, not running. But running away.

Relevations:
I will rejoice and count all trials as joy. I will endure, hang in there and not cast away my confidence and faith.
We tend to question when we go through trials like "Why me?" because we do not see the end purpose while we are in it, but the fact is, we are maturing and our character is developed :)

My life, will shine for all to see!

This is the most trying period of this year thus far, and i am starting to feel more motivated to live to my fullest because all the giants i am fighting against are of great challenge to me! It challenges my physical, emotional, mental and psychological strength.

It makes me feel more tough, more confident of the things i can do. And more faith in doing what i deem impossible.

Now it's 12am. I am honestly, extremely tired. I gave my all to complete as much as i can, consolidated most of the sports meet's participants list, organizing a birthday celebration for a good friend, talked to some pretty depressed friends before i become estactically worried, practised my choir songs for performance later.

Deep breaths.

I didn't eat for the whole day yesterday except for my break meal. Which was rice with vegetables only. Wow.
Sadly, there are no stock ups at home. No food. Except biscuits.
I feel like a bird, eating crumbs.

I'll just wait for a good meal later on.

Thank you to all who encouraged me or check if i was alright today! Really thankful.
I feel so blessed even though, there are just so many things i have to do currently, yet it's just so difficult to accomplish, and there are just problems you can't hide from, and there are friends with problems calling you up and seeking for advice or a listening ear. Of course i do feel burdened, especially when someone i know isn't doing well. Yet, somehow i still feel honoured.

I mean, only when you can be trusted with little things, then can you be trusted with big things. So, the fact that i am pressed with big things, it proves that i don't have to limit myself. There are really greater things that have yet to come!

When i go to heaven, i just hope i will have an exciting life story to tell. So, now it's my choice if i want to lead an exciting life!

Time to rest. Any minute longer, i will collapse.

Disappointed, discouraged, disheartened.

I fell hard today.
And I am taking a longer time than usual to stand up again.
But i will :)

Noooo i don't want to be emo! I want my joyful soul back. But maybe it was a pretty big shock to me but nobody knew or seemed to understand how bad i was feeling. But it's ok, it doesn't concern anyone anyway.

Alright, tomorrow is bikila's sports trials again! Go biki go! And other houses too!
Let's run with spirit and finish the race no matter what!
VICTORY TO ALL!
and victory applies when you have an obstacle that needs overcoming!

Cheering you on!

Man versus Lion.

The one who has the fighting spirit is undefeatable!

I like the lyrics of this song, Courage is.

Courage is, when you're afraid, but you keep on moving anyway.
Courage is, when you're in pain, but you keep on living anyway.

My friend, Tiffany Khoo.

I can't believe tiffy is leaving for australia so soon! It seems like just yesterday she came back to Singapore after graduating from college there. And now, she's going into university!

Time passes in a blink of an eye, scary.

These are the photos I have of you tiffy, and i hope when you see the smile you always had, you will remember that your smile is precious! Don't lose it!

Please take care, and whenever you are facing giants in your life, remember Home :)

A home of people who love you and a home you feel safe in.

I wish a year will pass soon! By then, you will return and Alevels will be over. Happiness. We will play then! like we always do.

It's time that we become true lovers, not pleasers.

My spirit in me grows faint when i am so extremely bothered by my physical health at the moment. Even though i don't show that i seem really worried about it, but i honestly do. But i just choose not to appear upset about it because it's pointless i guess. I mean, if i am willed to have such problems one after another, though i get frustrated with the pain and the treatments i have to undergo, i guess i'll still have to live with it.

My life will be happier if i don't brood over the unfortunate things that befall upon me, rather, i should continue to keep a positive attitude and think of how i can help the people around me. I don't know if anyone feels the same way, but the more i think about my family, friends and people around me, the lesser and lesser i think about myself and the situation i am in.

So, now i feel greatly that being others-centered helps you forget about your own personal discomfort!

Anyway, i would like to give my opinions on certain things. This is for you, rach.

I feel that it is neither wrong nor right to hurt others' feelings just so that you can live your own life. It's just being wise in making certain decisions for certain situations. It really depends. If we are just being self-centered and insensitive of the feelings of others, then it's clearly wrong. Even if the person is downright annoying, we can't choose the people we want to have in our lives, so ultimately we still have to accept the person and accepting the person really means to respect and honour the person above yourself. At least that's how i feel. But if it means to long term issues like when it comes to relationship issues, in order to decide wisely on whether to accept this person, and if you feel that it just ain't going to work out between both of you, then by turning the person away and a friendly rejection would perhaps, hurt the person's feelings at that point of time but, if the person is understanding, i believe the hurt will be healed.

When comes to pleasing others, yet making yourself feel unhappy. I feel that it's wrong. You can please others and yet not make yourself unhappy because you just want to be nice. There's no reason for you to be mean, it's just not right. But i feel that pleasing isn't the right word to use, perhaps? Pleasing people is so superficial. It makes it sound as though the things you do for people have its conditions and reasons. The correct word to use is loving :) Because love is unconditional and it doesn't need a reason. You can't love somebody "because" of something...there's no "because"! But of course, all of us tend to be pleasers. Because we do not see the need to make sacrifices, or just to suffer a little to love somebody, like "why torture yourself?" kind of attitude, but we feel that by pleasing somebody, it will give a really good impression on others or make ourselves seem like a really nice person. But wouldn't loving someone make our niceness more genuine even if it means to sacrifice.
Love knows no boundaries!
So, it's really our own discernment to make a choice. And not based on our judgment.

Yes, so the above are merely my opinions and feelings towards making stronger relationships and restoring broken ones!
At the end of the day, people still talk about Love. So it's really Love that has the keys to the doors of successful kinship, friendships and relationships!

:)

Day two! My parents set off for batam this morning, gave them a hug before they left home. Just woke up thinking that today will be yet another day of visiting relatives, but just without my parents around.

Later, pearl and i will be going to granny's house for lunch and to meet aunty and cousins before going off together to visit some relatives in the far east of Singapore, Tampines.

Today is total defence day! So the nation-wide siren is around to sound off pretty soon. I still remembered how i spent my total defence day two years ago. N.E.mation!II Prize giving ceremony. Top Ten finalist :) Our glory!

I am studying for Math test now, Permutations and Combinations...the topic i dislike most and the topic i need to improve on. Going to bring my notes for visiting today!

Same festival but different feeling

This must have been the quietest lunar new year i've experienced. Not much of visiting for day one today because most of my relatives are away from home.

Mummy and daddy are going away for a short trip to batam tomorrow. That leaves pearl and i to be independent for the next few days.

Anyway, a blessed birthday to my dearest cousin, JH!
And a sweet valentine's day to all my friends out there!

Happy lunar new year and valentine's day to you!

Yayyy!! Yesterday had been a really enjoyable day but really tiring. Had CNY celebration in school and went out with rach, mich, eme, ode and shihan to town for lunch. Qiaohua joined us after lunch(: It was kind of boring initially because i guess we were just walking aimlessly and we were all so tired from the late nights..so in the end, rach invited us to her house!

Oh man her doggie is extremely CUTE! It's sooooo fluffy(: i like fluffy things because i am deprived of fluffy and furry things when i was younger. Asthma. Haha but now, i am freeee! And she is so friendly! Doesn't bark nor bite (: SIMPLY ADORABLE.
Oh, i've got a confession, i actually slept on your sofa rach! Sorry and thank you! At first, i was just resting then suddenly i think i really fell asleep! Whoops haha!

Yesterday i gave out my handmade gifts to my lovely friends as a valentine's gift. I'm glad that liked it(: Because i spent lots of time and effort doing that and even got chased out of the house. Hahaha!

Went to church in the late afternoon for CNY service(: The atmosphere was awesome and i felt so happy to see my friends!!! And ting after the service! This friend of mine, Toh Ting Ting never fails to make me so proud of her! Strength to strength from problem to problem! This is our common trust :)

The time of wearing bright colours (HAHA, maybe not), visiting distant relatives, eating goodies, collecting angbaos...is here! As much as i want to be excited for it, i don't really feel much of the festive mood this year.
There's going to be a Math lecture test on Wednesday when we get back to school, sigh, there goes our CNY celebrations... Well, i guess this is really a TEST of our discipline, whether in the midst of fun, we are still able to shift our focus to our priorities first.

Yes, and i would like to specially thank all who gave me gifts, some from whom i didn't expect. Wow, thank you so much :)

Oh ya, did i mention my house is so clean and tidy! Spring cleaning is something i appreciate alot because it is a only a rare occasion when i can really feel the need to clear the mess in my room especially. Apart from the nagging, i surely do not want to be a bad host when guests come over! So, cleaning up is good.

By the way mich, all things are well :) Don't worry!

My spirit longs for hope, to brave through all odds.

哭過了也痛過了, 就該停止思念. 做人要瀟灑一點~要懂得放下, 放不下是虐待... 心能承受的已經夠了. 現在我才發現, 以前的我有多傻...過去了, 就不值得眷戀了! 偽裝是堤防的最佳保護色. 但也是很累的.

Read this off my friend's blog and thought that it is pretty well said and relate-able. Sometimes we know that the past is the past, yet we still seem to hold on so tightly to history, and i mean especially bad memories or experiences. And all these thoughts become grudges.

But of course, reminising past memories, like good moments is a different thing.

Crying to me is never something that shows a person is weak. I guess it really means that everyone, being imperfect people, do have our weak sides and when our weak points appear, we are saddened. Yet, once we learn that everybody can get hurt and disappointed once in awhile, and yet not give in to grief, it's then we are growing up :)

I like her last sentence especially. Totally agree that putting on a front or rather, a mask, is not being strong at all, in fact, it's only a form of protecting yourself and making yourself feel more secured. Where did the courage go...

Random thoughts:
I enjoy bus rides :)
Especially long bus rides, when i am not in a rush of course.
Today i made a new friend! Making friends is such a joy really!
I love choir practices because i can really do whatever i want to do with friends who care!
I like drawing benzene rings because it challenges me.
It doesn't mean that people with the same specs as me look like me...please.
My juniors still remember the stories i came up with to encourage them!
I am humbled by friends who tell me that they can count on me.
Guys shouldn't suppress their tears just because of manly pride.
People will stop being calculative when they become cheerful givers.
My sister is someone extremely precious to me.
Being friendly is not being weird. Being arrogant is.

Just a short post.

Today has been a pretty happy day :)
Just tired. Insufficient rest. And it's tuesday!! Only the second day of the week!
Ok, there's work to be handed in tomorrow and i'm glad i completed them :)

Now i am making Chinese New Year fishies for deco at the concourse. heheh.

Just keep swimming guys!

A day of rest, maybe not for some of us.

homework homework homework!
completing some is better than completing none at all :)

Today i woke up early to go for tuition, extremely tired initially but the very challenging questions mr chong gave us to do strangely freshen me up a little. So, chem tuition today wasn't that dry. Managed to practise organic synthesis questions and essay deductive questions and what not.

Went home for lunch and for room spring clean. Dislike the mess but i am the cause of the mess. So no one to blame but myself for being consistently disorganised. Can't help it, i just have too many things i want to keep! Mummy being a cleanliness freak (in a good way), i've got no choice but to painstakingly clear up as much as i can to avoid much nagging.

And finally, late afternoon, can finally start on my homework. And drats, i dislike homework or assignments that have to handed in all on the same day. Homework rush makes people go mad, really! It's obvious to me because my friends and i become estatic especially on the day before the due date when last minute work begins... ought to change that very unhealthy habit butttt, this is jc life man.

Orientation camp for the year ones is over! Now, it's really the time when they get settled in! Hope that the camp brought many wonderful memories for them. And well done OGLs!
Ah...i am reminising :)

The man in the mirror is the man, escapism is not a solution.

You'll be fine, my dear suyi :)

Did you know that the first 10minutes of your day usually determines your day!

So if you look into the mirror first thing in the morning (after you wash up of course), and tell yourself positive words, your day will end in a positive note!

Doesn't mean your day will be great all the way, but if you choose to believe and take a conscientious effort to make it end as well as you want it to be, it will!

Everyday, i am trying this out and it never fails seriously! Though the day may not start out good, but it's a personal choice to end it well!

Today i feel accomplished! Painted the choir banner, COMPLETED!!

At first glance, it's like so simple right. But if you take notice in greater detail, every drop of paint is pure effort. Seriously, it's not easy painting piano keys (at the top) with such uniformity. So proud of choir!

Don't hide, be strong, take heart and face your fears!

Back to school after staying home yesterday!
Not much of a choice that i'd push myself to come school simply because i dread seeing work pile up...life.

Just a random thought,
People are really not what they seem to be on hind sight. Or rather, after hanging around with someone, you'd realise the person you once knew or thought to be is down right different.
And when you know the truth, you just want to be left alone. To sort out your thoughts - between the perceived and the real. At least, you can then trust yourself and trust people again :)

Thank you to all my greatest friends for your kind smses, calls and words of get well soons yesterday! Loved.